A year ago today, my favourite aunt passed away from cancer. It killed her slowly and the 3 months prior I spent a lot of time at the hospital with her talking and enjoying her company. The evening before she died I went to the theatre with my best mate and watched a Brecht play at the lyric, the name of it escapes me. However when I was lying in my mates bed I sat bolt upright at 6.30 AM, with a pain in my chest and then a wave of calm. At the time I wondered what that was about, but as I went to college my sister approached me whilst I was in my registration class and told me my aunt died. I was in shock and tried to hold it together until the end of the day when it hit me and I weept.
Her death and the after effects taught me a lot about who I am and how death effects us as individuals. Her death showed me I am a strong person and that thier is no shame in crying whilst reading aloud, especialy at a funeral. I learnt that when I thought I was coping I wasn't as my grades where slipping and I devoted too much of my time being another person to advoid grieving properly. I also learnt that through my arrogance I fail to achieve what I could have done with hard and focused work.
I know that my aunt was watching over me and is proud of what I have achieved; my first poetry commission, reading a handwritten eulogy and carrying on whilst weeping, keeping up with my studies and finding my way in life with my own choices not someonelses, finding true love and carrying on when times get tough then.
But I know she will be disappointed in me for not achieving my potential in my exams, for not holding on that little bit longer to get out of my mothers.
I love my aunt so much and I know she is looking down on me smiling and at times when I feel lonely holding me tight.
Aunty Kim I love you and rest in peace. xxx
