Achievements

I have achieved some great things in the time I have deserted my blog.

I have manage to cook rice perfect first time (to she whom is my 'mother' I did it without the fancy rice cooker). I accomplished this by making Chilli Con Carne from scratch, then Chicken Korma from scratch. Who said cooking was hard eh? Lol

Then I made Omlette with mushrooms, thanks to the lovely Delia Smith who told me how on her website, its easier than some think, its just all about speed.

Then washed 11 windows by hand big ones too. Thanks to 'Mother' who gave me nine years of training on cleaning and housework.

Figured out how to make the washing machine work when it was clogged with hair.

THE BIG ONE FOR LAST - for those who know me and those who don't - I HAVE FINALLY STOPPED BITING MY NAILS AFTER 18 YEARS - YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAY (It's kind of hard when you have done it for that long and have an addictive personality - the best product is "Stop n Grow' it is actually willpower in a bottle!!!!)

The product I wish to promote is CILIT BANG, it does wonders all over the house !!!!

Ta for now xxx

Birthday month - Shout outs

First is my sisters bday, tomorrow and she will be 17. God I feel the passage of time running behind me. Happy Birthday darling and hope you enjoy your present which you will get on saturday xxxxx

The weekend after next is my fiances birthday and he will be 19 and babyboo i hope you have a great one and enjoy your bday presents. All my love to you and more xxxxxxxxxxx

Next then is a good friend called Wardi, happy 19th bday and have a drink on me as i dont drink no more xx

and finally my aunt Susan who I reunited with a few months back on my vacation to my homeland (Scotland) Happy bday aunty and i love you loads xxx

Something from nothing

I will lie for you,
upon this bed,
stripped down to the soul,
Where you take your mouth
your lips your hands
I do not know and dont wish to know
I am nothing,
I ask you to use my power
turn me in to something

Anything...
Can you do it?
Have I asked you for too much?
Love me like a woman loves a man
Like a mother loves a child
like an artist loves thier blank canvas
and a poet to pen and paper

Turn me in to something
Anything...
Take my empty space
In my mouth, in my ears and between my legs
Fill it with kisses, words and most importantly life

You just add those ingrediants
let me work my magic
I have asked too much of you
so let me do my 'woman job'

Creating something out of nothing
Absolutely anything the imagination creates

I will try not to rant

Wow I had a night of intrigue, lets set the scene shall we...Im at a flat in London, but not the place I usually stay. The man of my life is out chilling with mates, (male and female...Its OK I trust him...I hope that he doesn't doing something stupid...I don't need that right now... Right stop freaking out) I don't like to be alone these days so I head out and arrive at my destination. I eat pizza, talk and check emails - nothing new. I then have a coffee, sit at facebook and catch up. I post to a rekindled friendship mate (I had to start the rekindling) This made me sink into a philosophical mood, I spoke to this person and said that I don't appreciate the bad mouthing and that they need to stop flashing the cash as it makes others uncomfortable. THEN... I find out my best mate of 6 years has been bitching about me - Now this gets me really pissed off because she is suppose to be my BEST FUCKING MATE - she said I don't support her and I'm a bad influence. Well how can I fucking support someone if I can't even support myself and make sure I don't have a nervous breakdown. At least I have a boyfriend who helps me talk about my feelings and problems (my NEW best mate)... what takes the piss is that she didn't even have the respect to tell me herself, I mean seriously she has my mobile number, knows where I'm staying and her boyfriend is my boyfriends best mate ...Not that he ever visits my BF as much as he use too (maybe its something to do with my best mate... and me telling her that I feel like second best compared to him...I didn't ditch her when I'm with him...I mean she swans off to parties and I like old am never invited... for fucksake I love to party...) It just makes me want to smash a wall or her face... calm down Jazzle... breathe in breathe out... right I have come to a conclusion on how I am going to spend the rest of my days... No bitching, devote time to those who care and matter,party like there is no tomorrow, its ok to be a seperate being (ironic that because I can't even sleep without him)... Hopefully this works and I become a better person.

poetical mutterings from the teasing by my muse in a time of insomia!!

dreams are the poets subconscious mutterings, this left the man on the moon warbling out his grief for he had been shot in the temple by a passing asteroid with a vendetta impossible to resolve.

The discovery of the self is a road less travelled. Only by those cast there for life and reality to educate, breaking pride and arrogance. Finding out the trials and tribulations of relationships, what makes one react the way they do and how to survive on this road less travelled.

You see their cracked faces underneath their porcelain facades, The mirror lies even when smashed, showing multiple shards of their soul, Reptilian tears corrode my judgement but strengthens my sense of judgement and justice, Their superficialness drips into my ears and corrupts my mind, stealing logic and replacing it with a fresh callousness, Yet while I must appear naive and senseless, inside I am forced to be an adult, wiser and cautious to their tricks. I will not be a whore to their dishonesty, disrespect and disloyalty.

The year of learning

A year ago today, my favourite aunt passed away from cancer. It killed her slowly and the 3 months prior I spent a lot of time at the hospital with her talking and enjoying her company. The evening before she died I went to the theatre with my best mate and watched a Brecht play at the lyric, the name of it escapes me. However when I was lying in my mates bed I sat bolt upright at 6.30 AM, with a pain in my chest and then a wave of calm. At the time I wondered what that was about, but as I went to college my sister approached me whilst I was in my registration class and told me my aunt died. I was in shock and tried to hold it together until the end of the day when it hit me and I weept.

Her death and the after effects taught me a lot about who I am and how death effects us as individuals. Her death showed me I am a strong person and that thier is no shame in crying whilst reading aloud, especialy at a funeral. I learnt that when I thought I was coping I wasn't as my grades where slipping and I devoted too much of my time being another person to advoid grieving properly. I also learnt that through my arrogance I fail to achieve what I could have done with hard and focused work.

I know that my aunt was watching over me and is proud of what I have achieved; my first poetry commission, reading a handwritten eulogy and carrying on whilst weeping, keeping up with my studies and finding my way in life with my own choices not someonelses, finding true love and carrying on when times get tough then.

But I know she will be disappointed in me for not achieving my potential in my exams, for not holding on that little bit longer to get out of my mothers.

I love my aunt so much and I know she is looking down on me smiling and at times when I feel lonely holding me tight.

Aunty Kim I love you and rest in peace. xxx

Valentines Day

Got 1 card from the one I love, he cooked the meal, watched a few movies, did a few things and was very happy and loved. Simple but really special.

Flying the nest

I have finaly done it. I have left home a little ahead of the law, but still alive and well. There are so many reasons why a young person wants to leave home and I am not going to tell you mine. All I have to be thankful for is that the parents in my life taught me how to fend for myself (even though they may think I have to depend on them in order to survive). These things are:
1)To cook dinner
2)To clean a house (very useful as a means of cash in hand jobs)
3)To wash and Iron clothes
4)To buy enough food for a week on a budget (and to fit 5 a day)
5)How to support oneself financialy

The benefits of leaving home are even better!!!
1)Privacy
2)You can go out to wherever you want
3)You can go to bed whenever you want
4)You can stay out to whenever you want
5)Watch whatever TV Program you want
6)No one interrupts you in the bathroom
7)No one interrupts you when you are working/Studying
8)No one tells you what to do
9)You can cook dinner whenver you want it
10)You can have whoever you want over without arranging it
11)You can do whatever you want and not be told off or grounded
12)You can live life at your pace
13)You don't have to wait for anybody to get ready/get out the bathroom/leave
14)You can be as loud as you want
15)You can wear whatever you want without the judgements
16)You can do something without checking the parents to do it like getting a tattoo/piercing/dying your hair
17)You face the consequences properly, they are not enforced by your parents
18)You can do anything considered taboo without the guilt/embaressment
19)You are your own boss and responsibility
20)No one confiscates/steals your things/reads your post/complains about how you live

Leaving home is a great way to establish you are an adult and to show you that your happiness is what and how you make it.

18 Finally

WOW
That is how I can discribe feeling 18 in a word.
The wednesday I spent with friends and got drunk, Thursday, bleached my hair and went ginger(ARGGGGHHHHHH) got even more drunk in the evening and Champagne made an apperance. On the Friday I dyed my hair RED!!!! and went to a party (I organised it without any help from those who should have helped me do it 6 months ago) legally bought my first drink (Jack and Ginger). Got hamered and had an arguement that ended in tears. Saturday got even more drunk , to the point I was laughing hysterically at absolutely nothing. Sunday as you can imagine was spent recovering so that I could go to school today feeling great. I just have to say thanks to those who were there any of the days and those who didn't laugh at my gingerness.

Hamlet

Last night I went to the Nevello Theatre in Central London to watch 'Hamlet' performed by the RSC (Royal Shakespeare Company). As some of you may know and for those who don't the protagonist was played by the former 'Doctor Who' star David Tenant and his evil incestuous uncle was played by Patrick Stuart star of 'Star Trek' and 'X Men (Magneto)'. It was an amazing production overall with Tenant unconsciously showing us glimmers of his previous TV role in his episodes of madness. He received a standing ovation and practically all the ladies including myself were screaming when he took his single bow. Afterwards me and a friend went to go to get his autograph from the stage door but promptly changed our minds when we saw the mob and paparazzi. I recommend anyone to go and catch it while it lasts as it is definitely worth it.