I will try not to rant

Wow I had a night of intrigue, lets set the scene shall we...Im at a flat in London, but not the place I usually stay. The man of my life is out chilling with mates, (male and female...Its OK I trust him...I hope that he doesn't doing something stupid...I don't need that right now... Right stop freaking out) I don't like to be alone these days so I head out and arrive at my destination. I eat pizza, talk and check emails - nothing new. I then have a coffee, sit at facebook and catch up. I post to a rekindled friendship mate (I had to start the rekindling) This made me sink into a philosophical mood, I spoke to this person and said that I don't appreciate the bad mouthing and that they need to stop flashing the cash as it makes others uncomfortable. THEN... I find out my best mate of 6 years has been bitching about me - Now this gets me really pissed off because she is suppose to be my BEST FUCKING MATE - she said I don't support her and I'm a bad influence. Well how can I fucking support someone if I can't even support myself and make sure I don't have a nervous breakdown. At least I have a boyfriend who helps me talk about my feelings and problems (my NEW best mate)... what takes the piss is that she didn't even have the respect to tell me herself, I mean seriously she has my mobile number, knows where I'm staying and her boyfriend is my boyfriends best mate ...Not that he ever visits my BF as much as he use too (maybe its something to do with my best mate... and me telling her that I feel like second best compared to him...I didn't ditch her when I'm with him...I mean she swans off to parties and I like old am never invited... for fucksake I love to party...) It just makes me want to smash a wall or her face... calm down Jazzle... breathe in breathe out... right I have come to a conclusion on how I am going to spend the rest of my days... No bitching, devote time to those who care and matter,party like there is no tomorrow, its ok to be a seperate being (ironic that because I can't even sleep without him)... Hopefully this works and I become a better person.