The playground

For Dylza Looking in the mirror amazed at how make up hides a multitude of sins looking natural and fresh eyeliner and mascara widening exhausted eyes bold lipstick sealing a mouth that utters truth quietly amoungst the lies tint of blusher caressing high cheek bones mimicking the shame i know longer feel bright green of my iris's is shockingly cold unable to glitter anymore knowing your absence crushes my soul love rediscovered lost purposely found cracked discarded again tattered reaching realisations with each clink of my lifes lottery balls its a losers lottery the jackpot is the last reserves of my strength to get up dust myself down to carry on a pitiful existance knowing love has no room for pornstars, gold diggers and the nieve when i left abrubtly quietly to where i came from i searched for something i needed from you in what i know now as the wrong place affection romance connection which i could never humble myself enough to ask from you i reached blindly searching trying to find me in our absence i created a life one aborted in hope we could have one day you once said you admired my strength which is now my downfall i wish i had the strength to tell you when you came back into my life about what happened on our absence i wasnt strong enough to overcome my fear of losing you again if i knew how it was going to turn out then maybe i could of summoned the courage to over rule my shame we went to bed before i could even think about telling youthen bed wasnt neutral ground i let it become a beautifuol battlefield side by side we watched eachother having nightmares and quiet down with touch sweet words and bitter discussions pass over time in various intoxicated states my resence of life dashed with fragments of me held in others eyes blended into the breakup which pushed us full circle with 2 rotations complete but not fufilled i step of our magical roundabout dizzy with pain and anguish i stumble to the swings to push myself into flying trying to get high enough to touch the clouds unable to i survey my playground as it turns to night the moon illuminates the roundabout sitting lonely abandonded far away you are no longer there a bolt of loss hits me like lightening the sky starts to weep with me in my desolution and the heavens drum out my destitution if this is natural and nature at its greatest then i will embrace this nakedly and be rejuvinated when we meet again i will be hesitantly perching on a slide this time i will not coax me to launch back on the roundabout instead i will wait wait for you to climb up and sit behind me wrapping me into you so we can launch ourselves over the roundabout like acrobats or wait for you to walk out of the park never looking back letting the dawn absorb you completely If i cant be the heroine to myself then i will be the heron patiently perching for you to come up one day even if that day never comes stubbornly steadfast waiting the summer out wondering if there is a next time will we see us beyond spring not knowing if now is the end of days or if we will see our days end together doesnt matter now so hush those ill thoughts clouding your mind the sun will come out one day and you will find me patiently perching perpetually waiting to be complete ready for the descent that readies us to ascend beyound the roundabout one day